the boss of the sauce (the_dense) wrote,
the boss of the sauce
the_dense

we need more specific terms for ailments

cause i can't really say i'm "sick." i'm not sick. nor can i really say i'm unwell. i mean, i'm NOT, but how do you adequately but politely indicate that you have an internal sore that prevents you from enjoying anything?

yeeeeah.

see, i've got a canker sore (or what appears to be a canker sore) the size of my pinky nail ON MY TONSIL.

not only is this a completely bizarre ailment to have, it's the most horribly painful constant thing ever. i've had worse acute pain, probably even worse chronic pain, but this... this is compounded by its utter absurdity and by the fact that it's basically on the fault-line of the gag reflex, is too far back to effectively reach while gargling, and is exposed to everything i swallow.

back when the wisdom teeth were out and i was on soft foods, i had lovely meals of black beans, mashed potatoes, spaghettios... yeah. no can do. mashed potatoes made me cry last night. so did the banana i tried to have yesterday morning. i'm down to popsicles, yogurt, a smidge of beverage (swallowing in general hurts) and small-curd cottage cheese. basically you have to imagine that any food you eat will be scraped against an open sore, then you have to consider whether that's a good idea. hot food also seem like too much of a gamble. if only i had some nice cold gazpacho whirled in a blender for a while, i guess.

so tomorrow, if i see no improvement, it's doc-in-the-box time. but in the meantime i've spent probably $30 on other measures to try to get the cocksucker to shrink or go away, including several analgesics, zinc lozenges, and my own homebrew version of "magic mouthwash" with liquid benadryl and maalox. nothing appears to help. except--HOARDING WIN--the little squirty-syringe i got last year during the wisdom tooth issues, which is meant to reach far back and rinse hard-to-reach places with saline. i can juuuuuuust get to the sore and squirt a little lidocaine directly on the sore. and you know how it really really hurts to hit the spot with numby stuff, but you have to wait it out 'cause you know it'll be worth it, that blissful numb? yeah. try that on your tonsil, while you're trying to deliberately hold fluid still behind your bucking tongue and on your gag zone.

*sigh*

(((well, i *did* save my extra vicodins from last year, thank goodness. a half of one of those and you don't mind swallowing as much.)))
((((that's what SHE said WHOA HO HO))))


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